Bringing up teenagers

Just when you thought you have it down pat, your child's teen years arrive and suddenly, everything changes. What worked before won't work now as your child tries to assert his independence.

I'm glad there are resources out there for parents of teenagers today. One of them is the book Parenting Teens written by Evelyn Ramos Pajaron with her husband Teody (published by Church Strengthening Ministry, 2009, 267 pp.).

In it, Evelyn and Teody of Campus Crusade for Christ go personal and talk about how they raised their kids Charissa and Hesedel during the tumultuous teenage years. Both of them write from the heart as they share lessons learned in communicating with their teens, handling boyfriend/girlfriend issues, talking about sex, dealing with teens' need for gadgets (they're the I.T. generation after all), setting boundaries, disciplining, having debut parties and celebrating their teen's passage into manhood (turning 21) and the clincher--letting go. What I like about the book is that the authors don't "preach down" to their readers. They just tell it like it is, the way you would talk with your close friend over coffee. Another plus: it's written by Filipinos and they wrote it with the Filipino culture in mind.

Some gems from the book:

* "Mothers cannot and were never meant to do parenting all by themselves. And this is especially more important during the challenging teen years. Fathers play such an underrated but extremely crucial role in the home."

* "He (God) is our partner in rearing and dealing with our teenagers... He loves them with a passion more than we do, and the love that we feel for our children is nothing compared to His love and His wanting the best for them."

* "If we don't take the lead in teaching our children the right view of sex as God's gift to be enjoyed within the bounds of marriage, they will acquire our hang-ups and adopt the world's view of sex."

* "If we want our homes to be a place where our teens hang around, then we need to loosen up, relax, and see humor in our everyday lives."

* "[Make] them feel they are loved regardless of how they behave... Try to get into their world once in a while. Listen more and talk less."

VERSE OF THE WEEK: Keep my commands and you will live; guard my teachings as the apple of your eye. Proverbs 7:2

Cough remedies

It's been two weeks of flu season at home, and at last (hopefully), the coughing sounds will fade out in a day or two. My son and I have been taking turns coughing by the minute before, as Solmux (a mucolytic) worked overtime to help us expel sticky phlegm. "What such phlegmatic personalities we have," I thought in jest.

You'd think by this time I knew what to do. Well in a way, yes (rest, drink lots of liquids, consult a doctor, take lozenges). But there are some other things I didn't know I could do, as my friends and family shared some interesting cough remedies you may want to consider the next time you have some serious lung-busting cough:

1. Bayabas gargle. Boil guava leaves and gargle the juice. (from Veron)
2. Garlic juice with honey. Pound garlic, pour water on it and some honey. (from Excel)
3. Oregano juice. Squeeze oregano leaves to get a teaspoon or two of liquid and drink it. (from Aileen)
4. Hot water. Just drink a cup of hot water to soothe sore throat. (from Weng)
5. Hot calamansi juice. (from our household helper who banned Coke at this time)
6. Bactidol gargle. (forgot who)
7. Hot apple cider vinegar (from my parents' book The Home Remedies Handbook)
8. Pei Pa Koa candies. (from my sister)
9. Ginger tea (salabat) (from my other sister)

Ginger tea or salabat

10. Lemongrass tea (from Leah)
11. And the clincher: Tequila. "Isang shot lang, tanggal lahat yan," said Paul.

We only tried numbers 4 and 5 due to supply problems (our guava tree was uprooted many years ago; no oregano, apple cider, Pei Pa Koa, Bactidol, tequila sighted at home, et cetera). I was supposed to meet up with Excel for a taste test of the garlic juice with honey, but didn't get around to doing it. It was mostly just Solmux and Tuseran for us, and when those didn't work, Robitussin DM and Amoxicillin. And lots of prayers and good wishes from wonderful friends.

But our cough's almost gone, our voices kinda back, and we're up and about. :-) At last. Thank God for His blessing.

BOOK OF THE WEEK: Do you dread going back to work on Mondays? Then maybe it's time you pick up the book Thank God It's Monday by Kim Hackney (Lighthouse Books, 2003). Geared for women, the book tackles your purpose at work, and how you can celebrate it. Many times, we are full of complaints ("If only they paid me more," "If only I had that position," et cetera) that we miss out on God's blessing of success. A chapter at the end gives tips on how to look for the right job and evaluate job offers.

VERSE OF THE WEEK: This is what the LORD says--your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: "I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go. If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river, your righteousness like the waves of the sea." Isaiah 48:17-18

6 life lessons from a woman with a planet named after her

If you had a planet named after you, and a stage on which you can stand on and share what you want new high school graduates (and their parents, guests, and ok, the whole wide planet Earth) to know, what would you say?

Dr. Josette Biyo, outstanding educator and first Asian recipient of the Intel Excellence in Teaching Award given at the 2002 Intel International Science and Engineering Fair in Kentucky, USA, took such an opportunity last Wednesday, March 31, 2010 when she addressed the pioneer graduates of Malayan High School of Science at their commencement ceremony at RCBC Plaza in Makati City. Dr. Biyo is now director of the Philippine High School of Science, Western Visayas campus.

Here are Dr. Biyo's advice and life lessons, things which she herself follows.

1. There is no shortcut to success. Don't cram. Submit your requirements on time.
2. Love what you're doing. When you love to learn, studying is easy.
3. Don't be afraid to commit mistakes. Committing mistakes is one of the best ways to learn.
4. Follow the golden rule.
5. Have a dream. "I dreamt of stars. I was given a planet," said Dr. Biyo. To honor her achievements, the Massachusetts Institute of Technology named a minor planet (12341) as Planet Biyo. She said, "I invite you all to visit the planet. No visa required."
6. Always pray. Pray when you can't understand your lessons, when you're confused, and to thank God for His blessings.

Dr. Biyo revealed that she lives by these truths too. She remembers teaching in a small rural school at one time and found herself handling not just science subjects, her forte (she was a BS Biology graduate of the University of the Philippines), but also physical education, and even Citizens Army Training (CAT). These instilled in her the values of service and compassion as she negotiated the long road to success.

Wise words, aren't they? Applicable to people of all ages, graduates or not.

BOOK OF THE WEEK: I've had the little book Train Up a Child by Harold Sala for several years now, and it's good to keep rereading it as one's child grows. As he wrote, "Realize that the training of a child begins at birth and never stops." The book talks about the importance of communicating with our children, disciplining them, how to convey values, among others.

VERSE OF THE WEEK: You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Isaiah 26:3

My top 10 places in the metro for some quiet time

I'm one of those people who can go out without lipstick, but not without a book in hand. It's for those times when I'm in between appointments, or when I just want to chillax in the middle of the day.

And since I go around a lot for my job, I have discovered some pretty quiet cozy places where I can just sit in a quiet corner and read while sipping a hot cup of coffee or tea. Check them out if you'd like to work alone or catch up on your reading in peace.

1. Soul Shop. It's a small cafe inside Crossroad 77, at the corner of Mother Ignacia Avenue and Scout Reyes in Quezon City. They have pasta, sandwiches, rice meals, and coffee and tea too (try chai!). One time I had to wait for the car coding scheme to be lifted at 7 pm and thoroughly enjoyed my three hours' waiting time here reading my books, organizing my schedule, and checking out their magazine rack. You can bring your laptop and use their electrical outlet for P20.

2. Wheatberry. Sometimes you can have the whole second floor to yourself on a quiet afternoon. Service is prompt and polite. Since Wheatberry is a bakeshop, their desserts are always worth tasting. You can't miss it: it's right beside Max's Scout Tuazon (the original Max's) near Roces Avenue in Quezon City.

3. Starbucks at Metrowalk, Meralco Ave. near cor. Ortigas Avenue, Pasig. What I like about this Starbucks are the big glass windows which let the sunlight in on an early morning or early afternoon. I can get lost in a book for two hours here in some quiet corner while having my mint tea with honey.

4. Coffee Bean on Tomas Morato, Quezon City. But only in the morning. The second floor is still quiet then. You can enjoy your eggs benedict in peace while going over the day's paper. Free wifi for those with Swirl cards.

5. Bo's Coffee at 4/f Atrium in Megamall. But never on a weekend. I've done some copyediting/proofreading here on weekdays while having a strong americano, all the time eyeing that blueberry cheesecake (maybe I'll finally try it next time). :-) I think wifi is free too.

6. That coffee shop at UP Jorge B. Vargas Museum, UP Diliman. It used to be called Cordillera Coffee, but someone told me they changed their name already. Coffee's really good, and when you're in between chapters, it's relaxing to look at the trees lining the UP Oval. It's outdoors, though, not air-conditioned, but it's breezy outside anyway.

7. Gloria Jean's, 2/f Megamall Bldg A. Most of the kids are at Starbucks, so expect some quiet in here.

8. Figaro on Banawe Street, Quezon City. Upstairs, it's quiet in the mornings.

9. Paseo Center on a weekend afternoon. Most of the restaurants are closed, and you can park yourself in front of Country Style with a cup of coffee the whole afternoon in peace. But you'd wish the air con's in full blast. Paseo Center is on Paseo de Roxas, Makati City.

10. Dome at Podium. It's one of the places open very early at Podium (7 a.m.). Take a corner seat and read or work until the mall comes to life at 11 a.m.

BOOK OF THE WEEK: I started reading Parenting Teens by Evelyn Ramos Pajaron, published by Church Strengthening Ministry and I'm lovin' it! More on this book in another post.

VERSE OF THE WEEK: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him. 1 Corinthians 2:9

Going gray

I have a photo shoot on Saturday and as always, I will make a beeline for the salon the day before or 2 days before the event. My gray hair needs to be covered yet again or else the image of me with salt-and-pepper hair at the (ahem) young age of 43 will be the one preserved for posterity.

Being a not so vain person, I have always entertained the idea of going gray totally. No more trips to the salon for a 2-hour hair dye job every 6 weeks, no more damaged hair. I love the idea so much I want to embrace it and just celebrate my going into middle age. But everyone in my family, from my father, mother, brother and sisters, wouldn't hear of it. My dad would go as far as to scold me for not having my hair colored. My brother and sister, whenever they would be in town from abroad, would bring me to a salon to let me have a hair coloring session—their treat. Only my son, who likes Taylor Hicks, wants me to go totally gray.

Even my friends have become concerned. Patsy, when she learned I was guesting on a TV show sometime ago, said to herself, “I hope Karen dyes her hair.” (I did.) Gaby, when I met her for breakfast last month with other friends, greeted us with, “So, did you girls have your hair colored already?”

Let me see. I think I was in 2nd year high school when I first noticed I had a strand or two of white hair. One of my nephews had his first white hair at grade 7. A niece in her late 20s has a lot of them too, but she has more black than white hair and she looks like a college student, so you wouldn't notice them. It's something we inherited from both of my parents, I guess. My son, meanwhile, is hoping he will have gray hair soon.

I think the gray hair started becoming more noticeable though, some 7 to 10 years ago. Sometimes it's relaxing to spend 2 hours at the salon for a hair coloring job, but at other times it's an added item on my to-do list on a busy week that it has become a chore. I tried a do-it-yourself hair color kit at home twice on the advice of my friends Jenny and Tina, but I get back pains after a session, what with all the bending I have to do to color, rinse, shampoo, rinse, condition, and final-rinse my hair.

“How come in the US, it's not a big deal to go gray?” I asked my sister one time. Just look at this photo below. She said it's because Caucasians' fairer skin doesn't make gray hair look that stark on a person.



Recently, I was in the restroom at church when a lady attendant said, “Miss, bata ka pa di ba? (Miss, you're still young, right?)” I smiled and said yes, thinking it was a compliment. Then she said, “Sabi na nga ba eh. Ang dami mo kasing puting buhok. (I knew it. But you have a lot of white hair.)”

Before another attendant engages me in a talk like that again, I've decided to go to the salon today. As in, now na. Before it's crunch time for deadlines, before I get hungry for lunch, before I want to crawl back to bed for a nap, before I watch the replay of last night's American Idol and Glee, before I change my mind. So let's go, sago.

BOOK OF THE WEEK: "Many of us don't know it is possible to go from romanticizing about rest to actually resting in today's world." This was what was written on the back cover of Rest Assured: Devotions for Souls in a Restless World by Nancy McGuirk (published locally by OMF Literature). Just a few minutes a day reading the Bible verses quoted in each chapter and the short write-up that follows can remind us that peace can be gained as we draw nearer to Jesus, the Prince of Peace.

VERSE OF THE WEEK: "Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you." Isaiah 46:4

Technorati Tags: womanhood,aging,beauty

Patrick Henry Hughes - Inspirational Story

Just how far can a father’s love go?

I was on Facebook early this morning as soon as my teenage son left for school, and saw this heartwarming video of Patrick Henry Hughes, a young man born blind who sees his disability as a possibility. Indeed, everything seems possible for Patrick, who can play the piano very well and is even in his university's marching band.

But what struck me most is the man behind him literally pushing him to be the best he can be. It's his dad, who marches with him (or rather pushes his wheelchair) at college games while Patrick plays his trombone.

To do this, dad works the graveyard shift at UPS (his shift starts at 11 p.m.), and joins Patrick in the daytime for his classes and band practice. What a dad!

In a pink state of mind

As I have been staring at my computer for most part of the day today, I finally noticed how blah my e-mail accounts look. My Gmail, Hotmail, and Yahoo Mail look so blue (and yes they are blue). Now why do I have more than one e-mail account, you may ask. It's my way of compartmentalizing my life. I use my Hotmail to correspond with my high school batch mates, Gmail for work stuff, and 3 Yahoo Mail accounts for my grade school batch, my writer friends, and for family and friends.

Anyway, back to being blue. Blue brings a state of calmness but sometimes we all need a little perking up. And so I checked the settings and found that Gmail and Hotmail have a cherry blossom theme, and Yahoo can let you have your page in bubblegum pink. Now everything on my screen looks pink.

I'm still in a pink mood as I write this and so I'm sharing with you some pink flowers to brighten your day.






BOOK OF THE WEEK: I just finished For Richer For Poorer: Why the Rich Get Richer and the Poor Get Poorer by Chinkee Tan. The poor think of surviving today; the rich think of saving for tomorrow. Maybe it's time we rethink the way we think.

VERSE OF THE WEEK: "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Matthew 6:28-30

A tea party

"What tea would you like to have? We have oolong, English breakfast, Darjeeling and jasmine," asked the lady serving us at Makati Shangri-La's Lobby Lounge. "English breakfast," I replied, as I was looking forward to having scones as well. It's time for afternoon tea, and time to celebrate my birthday, too. :-)

This was my dad's idea, that instead of the usual birthday dinner, the family will have afternoon tea and listen to live orchestra music. The idea appealed to me, since, after all the eating and merrymaking during the holidays, a "quiet" event would be like a breather.

And so, that afternoon of January 4, pots of tea were placed on our table and trays of scones, too, as well as Filipino snacks like bibingka and ginataan. And while we daintily held our teacups, an all-female orchestra performed lovely melodies from kundiman music to standards and movie themes. And just as I thought no one else in the room aside from those in our two tables knew it was my birthday, the orchestra started playing "Happy birthday" as a chocolate cake was brought in, complete with candle. Perfect!

BOOK OF THE WEEK: I'm rereading The Power of a Praying Parent by Stormie Omartian. It's a good reminder to pray for your child's safety, relationships, career choice, and even future spouse.

VERSE OF THE WEEK: "The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face towards you and give you peace." Numbers 6:24-26

Photo by my brother-in-law Joel Pastor

Looking for Smart Parenting

I can't believe it. I just bidded P150 today on ebay.ph for Smart Parenting magazine's maiden issue (March-April 2003), an issue which I edited way back in 2003. I also just bought a copy of Smart Parenting's March 2004 issue for P55, also on ebay.ph, and am just waiting word from the seller on how I can pay and get my hands on that issue.

After Typhoon Ondoy flooded our house, part of my portfolio of works got damaged. For days, I hardly touched those bookbound copies of Smart Parenting magazines (the complete set!) because just looking at the sorry wet heap depressed me. Producing one issue alone cost so many man-hours. My friend Salve once asked me what it's like to edit a magazine and after I ran through the process (brainstorm, finalize lineup, assign stories, interview, write, shoot, edit, layout, approve layouts, proofread), I think she just said, "wow."

So there, these days I am trying to get my hands on vintage Smart Parenting issues I edited and wrote for. Earlier today, while sifting through moldy SP issues with pages stuck together, I asked myself why bother, then threw another hopeless copy away. Well the truth is, I'd like to pass them on to my son someday.

So if you have a copy somewhere, do PM me please? Thanks!

BOOK OF THE WEEK: For Christmas, my friend Joy gave me Refreshing Words for Busy Women by Darlene Sala. It's a daily devotional and a delightful read, something you'd want to look into daily on slow quiet afternoons.

VERSE OF THE WEEK: The LORD watches over you—the LORD is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all harm—he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore. Psalm 121:5-8

Family

Driving along EDSA a few days ago, I chanced upon outgoing U.S. Ambassador Kristie A. Kenney being interviewed on an early morning talk show on DZMM on AM radio. The well-loved ambassador talked about, among other things, what she liked about the Philippines. During her stint in the country, she got to windsurf and go island-hopping, and said there are so many activities one can do around here.

Then she was asked what valuable lesson she learned from Filipinos. And she said we taught her the value of family.

Oh yes. Have you seen on TV the jampacked bus terminals at this time of the year? People are all in a hurry, with bags and boxes in tow, to go home to the provinces to celebrate Christmas and New Year with their families. And the airports--oh the airports! My sister and her family just arrived from LA last Sunday night after a grueling 35-hour travel (LA to Schenzhen to Hong Kong to Manila to Batangas City). My brother arrived from Tokyo a few days before Christmas and said it took an hour for his luggage to appear at the carousel.


We do love and value our families. We may be spread out in the world due to the OFW diaspora, but in this holiday season, we connect by air, sea, land, or if that's not possible, by Internet or phone, to our loved ones. Give your family a hug tonight, will you? Then pop the champagne bottle and celebrate the coming of a new year. Happy new year!

BOOK OF THE WEEK: 100 Ways to Live the Word features 100 people from all walks of life showing how they apply God's Word. Read my story there. :-) Published by Philippine Bible Society


VERSE OF THE WEEK: A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land. Psalm 68:5-6

Aghast

I couldn't help but shake my head in disbelief as I read the front page of the Philippine Daily Inquirer today, Wednesday, November 25, 2009. The whole page was about the massacre of innocent civilians and journalists in Maguindanao: seven news items, one editorial, and almost a half page photo showing the bodies of some of the victims sprawled like dead pigs on a grassy lot.

Even though I first heard the news two days ago on TV Patrol, I am still aghast at the barbaric way the people were killed. A hundred armed men, said to be followers of of the political Ampatuan family, blocked their convoy, which was on the way to the local Commission on Election office to file the certificate of candidacy of Buluan vice mayor Esmael Mangudadatu for governor of Maguindanao. It was a political massacre, and the killers spared no one, be he/she a Mangudadatu, a journalist, a man, or a woman. To date, 46 bodies were retrieved, and some more people are reported missing.

I can understand why members of the Mangudadatu family were killed: to the perpetrators of the crime, they belonged to a rival clan, plain and simple. But I cannot understand why even journalists, who numbered more than 20, were killed. They were just doing their job.

Journalists are just plain simple people who live with a passion to hunt for stories and write them so people will be informed. They churn out two stories a day, maybe even more, and make deadlines a part of their daily lives. We journalists talk to people of all walks of life, and will go places just to get the facts for a story. Truth is our mission, but despite the nobility of that, our wages are still a pittance.

My friend Rina asked me why journalists are paid so low—call center employees earn more than editorial assistants, and bank managers earn more than feature editors, for instance—and I said it has always been that way. But we still keep at it because, well, we just want to do so.

As Aquiles Z. Zonio of Inquirer Mindanao bureau wrote in one of the front page stories in today's Philippine Daily Inquirer, “Underpaid and under threat, be that as it may, we will continue answering the call of our beloved profession.”

BOOK OF THE WEEK: Reading Comfort Food, a compilation of personal essays on what makes one's comfort food, edited by Erlinda Panlilio, has brought me warmth, happy thoughts, and yes, comfort. A perfect foil to news items that make me aghast.

VERSE OF THE WEEK: Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me. Psalm 54:4

Life after Ondoy

These days I still find myself grappling in the middle of a working day for some order in my work life. My files have not been updated, copies of my published articles have not been put in order, and I still have to get the hang of working at my desk in the home office again. I have yet to figure out how to make the desktop work again as greatly as it did before. And where is that adaptor for the printer? After the flood brought about by typhoon Ondoy came, wreaked havoc, and went, things have been out of place, or have not been found altogether.

So I find myself defining my life now as post-Ondoy, in contrast to pre-Ondoy days when I could find everything and everything (generally) works. These days I work in my bedroom for the comfort, or in cafes for the steady Internet connection. Our Wi-Fi at home has become unreliable post-Ondoy—it goes into action whenever it feels like it, then sputters, then bursts in 2-minute connections just when I need to send a document over to my editor. And so I get to work in spurts, which should not be my work style given the deadlines I face.

Still, there are a lot of things to be grateful about: the fact that my family is safe and our house looks more or less the same now as it did during the pre-Ondoy days, save for the books, photos and document files lying on our bedroom floor, waiting for new bookcases to be bought. Soaked and useless mattresses and sofas have been disposed of, and new mattresses are now in place. Warped cabinets and doors have been replaced, and even the big kitchen now sports new tiles. The musty smell has been banished, thanks to overzealous scrubbing with Domex, Zonrox, and Mr. Muscle, and spraying with berry-scented Lysol. You wouldn’t think that just about two months ago, waist-deep flood entered our house, and drowned the Lite Ace van in the garage.

Yes, that’s how one should deal with it: look at the bright side. Ondoy also gave me an opportunity to appreciate even more my family and close friends. The day after Ondoy came and left, my sister sent my 80-year-old dad to the spa for a much-deserved massage after the trauma of seeing water rise and evacuating the house the day before. She also spearheaded the cleanup at home, bringing people over to scrub the floors and walls. My uncle and aunt arrived one day with adobo, and with lumpia on another day. My friend Meg braved the traffic and came over with her two kids, some adobo and rice, mattresses for the helpers, doormats, towels and a nice book for me to read. Mel and Ivy helped me dry photos and documents, something Weng did also a few days after. And dear friends from church, as well as from my Varsitarian family back in college, sent financial assistance so we could buy what we needed.

My nephew Alvin helped dry the photos and made sense of the tangled computer cables. Analyn sent over a huge bottle of fabric softener since she said, “siguro marami kang lalabhan (you might have lots of laundry to do).” Richelle, who could not have foreseen that their city would be flooded heavily by typhoon Pepeng in a few days, sent me a boxful of blankets. Cherry sent by post from Hong Kong a little box full of treasures: green tea, hand towel, gloves, fabric softener, pineapple cake, medicines, a bottle of White Flower, and so much more. Jing, through words, grieved with me and hugged me virtually. And there were so many more who helped, prayed, and made us feel better.

So post-Ondoy, I have chosen to be more positive and grateful (that wasn't really a complaint in the first paragraph; more a statement of my circumstances). I may not be able to work on my desk yet, but I am thankful that I can work. Although the neighbor across the creek played a loud blood-curling rendition of “Total Eclipse of the Heart” at 9 a.m. this morning for all the world to hear, I thanked God I can hear perfectly. And so can my family.

Life after Ondoy: it’s rosy whatever angle you look at it. God is good.

BOOK OF THE WEEK: I had a wonderful time reading The Heart of Healing by Ardy Roberto, published by OMF Literature Inc. Here is a beautiful story of a husband who loves his wife very much and saw her through a most trying time while she battled lupus. This book has a lot of heart, and will be helpful to everyone especially the person caring for a sick family member. Truly, Jesus Christ is the Great Physician and Healer of all time.

VERSE OF THE WEEK: But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD’s great love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children—with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts. Psalm 103:17-18

Breather

Ah...this is one of those vacations when I do not have to follow a schedule. No itinerary per day, no group to keep up with. I traveled alone and my only agenda is to attend the wedding of my nephew on Saturday.

So for the past four days I have been taking things slow, leaving the house around lunchtime or later, making time for latte and two hours of reading at quiet cafes in busy Tokyo. The tourist-y places have been visited on prior trips; now is the time to catch up on sleep, tackle the writing leisurely, take unhurried walks, savor new dishes, and be quiet.

My friend Jing and I had something like this earlier this year when we went to Baguio for a three-day girlfriend getaway. There was nothing on the agenda then except to catch up on sleep, see some art, and eat good food. We came back to Manila refreshed, ready to face family and work demands again.

We all need quiet breathers like this to rest, recharge, and reconnect with our Maker.

BOOK OF THE WEEK: Meg gave me the book A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23 when she visited me after Typhoon Ondoy flooded our house. Author W. Phillip Keller was really into sheep before with a flock of his own. He gives insights on how sheep behave and lets us see how the Good Shepherd up above regards us. A must read!

VERSE OF THE WEEK: He restores my soul. -- Psalm 23:3

Kitchen victories

I'm sure you have at least one person among your friends who's a genius in the kitchen. She would look at the pantry or the ref, grab something and chop away, heat the pan or turn up the oven, then out would come something delicious in a matter of minutes. Without ever looking at a recipe.

Well I'm definitely not like that. Once in a while, I would look at the pantry or the ref, debate on whether to get this or that, dust off my collection of food magazines and cookbooks, look for a recipe that would use the ingredients I debated on getting, and before I know it, it would almost be lunch time and we don't have anything to eat. So I would just ask the helper to please fry something quick.

Sometimes, though, I would get to find a recipe early enough, and with a magazine or recipe in hand, I'd walk over to the kitchen, get this or that from the pantry or ref, chop away, heat the pan, then produce something edible and delicious. Of course, looking at the recipe every step of the way.

"You can do this, Karen," I would prep myself. "You finished college and ran a magazine; you can follow a recipe." OK. Rah rah rah.

Today was such a day. Our helper said she'll make fried chicken. Again? I groaned silently. Wait, I told her. I'll make pasta but not the usual bolognese type. I'll look for a recipe.

Alas there was no bacon in the ref for carbonara, nor was there pesto sauce or sun-dried tomatoes in the pantry. Thumbing through an old notebook containing handwritten recipes I managed to collect over the years (from friends, mostly), I saw a recipe for Garlic Chicken, Chinese Style. It says I wrote down the recipe on January 24, 1993. Did I ever cook this? Maybe not because I can't remember how to do it.

The ingredients were all available in the house: perfect! And it seemed more interesting than fried chicken.

So there, in an hour, my mom, my son and I had a delicious lunch. (See recipe below.)

Growing up, I didn't spend much time in the kitchen because my mom didn't either. We always had a helper who would do everything, although once in a while, my sisters would make Italian spaghetti, macaroni salad, brownies and polvoron. I remember my mom making chicken mami one time and it was so good. But she didn't do it again.

When my brother and sisters got married and had kids, my parents would cook something special whenever they would come over for a visit. My dad's a good cook--he knows how food should taste like and can cook without looking at a recipe. He does a mean adobo, nilagang baka with chorizo and baked fish in black bean sauce. My mom can cook, too, but my dad would always point out something wrong in her cooking. Maybe that's why my mom didn't spend much time in the kitchen when I was growing up. My nephews and nieces love her halabos na hipon and beef steak, though. My siblings love her monggo guisado. I love her simple tomato-and-onion omelet and corned beef soup.

Over the years, I'd cook once in a while. Lately I've been trying to cook more often than before for my son. My target is at least once a week. You can do it, Karen. Rah rah rah.

GARLIC CHICKEN, CHINESE STYLE

cornstarch
salt and pepper
chicken pieces
garlic
6 teaspoons soy sauce
1/4 to 1/2 cup water
1 to 1 1/2 tablespoons sugar
1 teaspoon sesame oil
1 heaping teaspoon cornstarch, dissolve in 3 tablespoons cold water.

Mix cornstarch, salt, and pepper. Roll chicken pieces in the mixture. Deep-fry. Set aside.

Fry garlic until golden brown. Add soy sauce, water, sugar, and sesame oil. Add cornstarch dissolved in water. Mix.

When sauce is thick, put chicken pieces back in. Toss. Turn off heat. Transfer to platter and serve.

BOOK OF THE WEEK: Nora Ephron has endeared herself to many women (including me) for her witty screenplays for You've Got Mail, Sleepless in Seattle, and When Harry Met Sally. So when my friend Ruth said she's selling her copy of Ephron's I Feel Bad About My Neck, I reserved it right away. Warning, Ruth said. Mababaw siya. OK lang, I said. It will be for those wala lang days. Just a few pages into the book, I was already wondering how Ephron was able to pull it off--to get such a book published. There's nothing much to it; just fluff. Ruth agreed. I finished the book, still. Nothing much to it. There are other better books to read.

VERSE OF THE WEEK: Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days, keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies. Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it. Psalm 34:12-14

Tips from an editor

Note: This post is based on an e-mail sent to the Pinoywriters e-group. Writers may find the tips here useful.

I know some of you are magazine writers here. I'm a magazine editor, and I was just talking to another magazine editor recently. We got to talk about our contributing writers (yeah, just like the way writers talk about their editors, haha).

We are happy when we discover writers who can really deliver the articles we need. When we do find them, we take the time to nurture them so they will become even better.

Sometimes, though, these writers who have become better start becoming problem writers. They turn in articles late, or don't follow the guidelines given them. Or they lose their spunk--a result of taking in too much freelance work. As a result, their articles aren't that brilliant anymore.

We all have our off days, but we all need to try our best as much as we can because our readers expect that of us. So here are some tips:

1. If you are freelancing, check your work schedule first for the month before agreeing to take on an assignment. Make sure you'll have time to do ample research and conduct interviews before agreeing to the deadline. If your schedule is really tight, don't say yes for the sake of money. Just decline politely and say your sked is full as of the moment. Editors can consider you for the next issue.

2. If the specs given seem vague, feel free to ask for further clarification. Or if you think you have a better slant to the article, discuss with your editor. My friend lamented that one of her writers submitted an article that was way off what was asked -- she pursued a different angle, which was not what the editor wanted or expected.

3. If you're having trouble finding interviewees, holler for help. Editors may be able to help you out.

4. Before submitting your article, run a spell check please.

5. Make the dictionary your best friend. This is just a click away: http://www.merriam- webster.com/ dictionary. Look up even ordinary words to check if they're spelled in one word, etc. I've had to change "hard-working" to "hardworking" in a writer's copy a lot of times.

6. Be open to your editor. If you have questions, complaints, grudges, etc., the best person to talk to is your editor.

7. Observe ethics. Don't write about the same topic for a competing magazine at the same time. For example, if you're writing about the lanzones festival for Food Magazine, don't write a similar article for Yummy Magazine and submit both as "exclusive." Better yet, stick to one magazine per genre (example, for food writing, write for only one food magazine; for fashion writing, write for only one fashion magazine). Safeguard your credibility and reputation.

I hope you find these tips helpful.

BOOK OF THE WEEK: When my grade school classmate Ega asked me about Queena Lee-Chua's math books, I remembered that I bought a copy of Eureka, her book compilation of columns published in the Philippine Daily Inquirer and Sunday Inquirer Magazine. The lady has a gift for serving up math and science in easy-to-understand terms, although toward the end, when she talked about Fermat's last theorem and the like, I got completely lost. Still, it's an interesting read.

VERSE OF THE WEEK: Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding, for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold. Proverbs 3:13-14

The Bataan Death March

“Palakpakan natin si Alec! May dugo siyang bayani!” (Let’s clap our hands for Alec! He has hero’s blood in his veins!)

Such was the reaction of my son’s teacher in grade two when, during a lesson on World War II, my son told them that his great grandfather was in the Bataan Death March and survived it.

He was maybe only five years old when we went to Ayala Museum to see the dioramas. When we got to the diorama showing the Death March, he asked which soldier shown was his lolo.

I don’t have much memory of my paternal grandfather, Lolo Arturo, except for the fact that he always smiled, put me on his lap, and he would smell like an old man whenever I made mano. I remember one stormy night, he went to our house and slept over since the streets were flooded and he couldn’t go home. Shortly after, he passed away. I was 10 years old and in grade 4.

There was a Philippine flag draped on his coffin, and I asked why it was so. Someone told me that he was a sundalo (soldier). During the interment, there was a gun salute, and I was so scared and bewildered why the soldiers had to fire their guns. Everyone was already crying and the guns just rattled more nerves, I thought.

It was later on that I learned from my dad that my lolo was not just a sundalo. He was a hero. He was already in the military when the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor and World War II started. Hastily, my father was fetched from Batangas City where he was studying to see my lolo off in the town of Tuy as his unit was being deployed. My dad said his mother, my Lola Silvina, and his siblings were crying as he left.

The last stand of the Philippine and American forces was done in Bataan in 1942, and when the Japanese pressed on, the Filipino and American soldiers led by Maj. Gen. Edward “Ned” P. King Jr. were forced to surrender. About 75,000 of them were made to walk some 100 kilometers from Mariveles, Bataan to San Fernando, Pampanga for almost a week with no food and water, and from there, they were either herded on trucks or walked again to Capas, Tarlac. The weak and dying were left for dead on the road, or bayoneted to death, or worse, beheaded on the spot.

My lolo survived the Death March. He was a prisoner of war in Capas. When he got out, he joined the guerrilla movement, and so did my dad, who was 14 then.

Last week, Japan, through its ambassador to Washington Ichiro Fujisaki , offered a personal apology to survivors of the Bataan Death March during World War II during a gathering of Bataan Death March survivors in San Antonio, Texas. Fujisaki apologized for “having caused tremendous damage and suffering to many people, including prisoners of war, those who have undergone tragic experiences,” according to a report published in the Philippine Daily Inquirer today.

My lolo is no longer around to hear that apology. I don't know if he would, but he probably would accept that apology if he were here today.

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven…a time to kill and a time to heal” (Ecclesiastes 3: 1, 3). Now is the time to heal.

BOOK OF THE WEEK: This week I'm reading Life Management for Busy Women by Elizabeth George. It offers practical tips for managing one's spirit, soul, home, money, mind, ministry, an social life. I'm learning a lot from this book.

VERSE OF THE WEEK: The earth is the LORD's, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it. Psalm 24:1

Uto-uto

I was looking at the other blogs on inquirer.net today and chanced upon the post "KC Concepcion: 'I Love Blogging' on the Blog Addicts blog. KC's first blog entry on her Multiply site, the article said, was about the Subservient Chicken.

Hmmm. Intriguing. And so I went to the Subservient Chicken link.

True enough, the Subservient Chicken can do whatever you want--like how its sponsor Burger King can do your order the way you want it ("Have it your way" is their tagline). To date, I have commanded the Subservient Chicken to jump, run, yodel, wave bye, do jumping jacks, scratch, and even reach his toes. And he did them all. Uto-uto.

This is a great two-minute stress buster for the harried mom who can't get her young child to brush his teeth, change into pajamas, eat vegetables, pack up toys, feed the dog, put on slippers, and so on. For two minutes, there's someone who will obey your every command. Bliss! :)

VERSE OF THE WEEK: Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5

BOOK OF THE WEEK: Thanks to some time to kill, I picked up the little book Stressed in the City: Snippets of the Lighter Side of the Urban Jungle (written by my grad school classmate April Timbol Yap) at National Bookstore last month. By page 2 I was already chuckling at the cat crossing the flyover ("Where did it come from? Where was it going? And why for heaven's sake did it need to use the flyover?") and laughing hard by the time she told the story of the vendor selling beds on the streets ("Miss, gusto n'yong bumili ng kama?"). :)

Wishing for a techie streak

This is one of those days when I wish I were techie. I am at Figaro at The Podium sipping a cup of barako coffee tinkering with Chinky’s tiny Asus Eee PC, that little contraption which seems so heaven sent as it fits the bag of a busy journalist on the go.

Or so I thought.

Despite the wireless connection icon saying I’m connected via AccessZone for the past 22 minutes (signal strength low), I cannot access Yahoo or Gmail. To amuse myself, I opened Microsoft Word to write this little piece, but it’s the Vista version, and I cannot decipher why I cannot type past the header. All these text that you’re reading—they are in the header. How to get out of this header, I don’t know yet, as Mozilla Firefox says it still can’t connect to the server.

Oh well.

It makes for a cool thing to do, though, writing on this tiny equipment at a coffee shop. Makes me feel Hemingway-like as the iconic writer wrote in coffee shops using pen and paper, and I’m here trying (operative word: trying) to make use of my time well.

I’m still inside the header by the way.

Oh well. Ok I’ll turn this thing off now and brave the monsoon rains outside. I might be able to connect to the Internet better back home.

Note: This was written September 10, 2008.

BOOK OF THE WEEK: On an overnight trip to Dagupan last December, I bought the book God's Smuggler by Brother Andrew at Book Sale for the fantastic price of P15. (Fifteen pesos!!!) I've heard about this book many many years ago and was intrigued at this Dutch missionary who smuggled Bibles to communist countries in Europe during the Cold War days. Brother Andrew's willingness to undertake dangerous trips to spread the Gospel sounds like Paul's mission to bring Christianity to Asia and Europe. May we burn with passion for God like they did.

VERSE OF THE WEEK: I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth. And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God. Job 19:25-26

42

Talk about delayed reaction. It's been five days since my birthday and it just dawned on me today that I'm now 42. Forty-two????!!!!

But other than seeing signs of little wrinkles on my face and the appearance of unwanted fats elsewhere, I find no reason to feel bad about being 42. In fact, I can think of at least 42 reasons to be thankful for right now:

1. hot lunch of breaded chicken and buttered veggies
2. yummy breakfast of garlic fried rice, eggs sunny side up and dilis
3. Chippy and Coke while working on the computer (my once a week junk fix)
4. the privilege to work from home and write
5. regular writing and editing gigs
6. five dogs that keep us company
7. the desire and time to cook (I cooked stir fried beef with ginger yesterday! Wagi!)
8. the Internet--how it makes my work life better
9. Facebook and Multiply which have connected me with friends and loved ones here and abroad
10. the song "When I Think About the Lord" which pretty much sums up what I feel when I think of all He has done in my life
11. Marley & Me by John Grogan, the book I'm reading now, which amazes me for being so well written in spite of the simple topic
12. my foodie friend Erli who I eat out with about once a week or so
13. Ugly Betty, and how it makes me laugh
14. ER rerun on the Hallmark Channel
15. the free chocolate cake I got from Figaro a few days ago just because it was the week of my birthday
16. having LTO outlets at the malls, which is a relief for all of us who used to line up with the crowds at LTO offices
17. my high school batchmates at School of the Holy Spirit--still gorgeous after 25 years
18. my wacky friends from The Varsitarian -- still there even if they're all famous and successful
19. earning from blogging! Thanks, Google Adsense
20. the gardener who makes sure our flowering plants blossom. We have yellow bells, pink bougainvillea, and many others I cannot identify
21. my orthopedic bed
22. my wonderful church
23. my small group at church (also called d-group)--such big-hearted ladies
24. body massages. Every time a masseuse works on the tense knots on my back, I can't help but thank God for teaching people how to do a massage.
25. peppermint foot lotion and foot massages
26. handmade organic soaps (oatmeal, guava, watermelon...)
27. my pink little Monologue planner which can fit in my bag
28. cellphones and how they make keeping in touch a breeze
29. sisig
30. manggang hilaw at bagoong
31. Jill Sandique's pistachio sans rival
32. barako coffee
33. Japanese green tea
34. the car I drive
35. The Prayer sung by Josh Groban
36. my only kuya, Boy, who calls from Tokyo once a week at least, and his family
37. my sister Babes, who doesn't look her age, and her family
38. my sister Cecille, who can whip up a huge bowl of yummy macaroni salad, and her family
39. my dad, who is also a father figure to my son
40. my mom--it takes only a little to make her happy: a trip to the mall, lunch or dinner out, and Wowowee
41. my son who's like an old soul
42. my God, who sustains me each day and shows me how great His love is for me

Photo by Marivic Henson-Ferma, New Zealand

BOOK OF THE WEEK: Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg shows what good writing is all about--writing from the heart, plain and simple.

VERSE OF THE WEEK: Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you. Hebrews 13:5

Thanksgiving

We were a day late in Manila, but it was still Thanksgiving in America yesterday, and so my son and I celebrated Thanksgiving last night. Nothing fancy, just a simple dinner, but with the holiday staple turkey as he requested.

He has always asked for turkey around this time. Two years ago, I just bought some KFC chicken and mashed potato (still an American dinner, I reasoned), but he said you’re supposed to have turkey on Thanksgiving. And so last year, I started turkey hunting in the weeks leading to Thanksgiving.

As my friends know, I’d rather eat out than buy something and cook it. Turkey seemed demanding, and so I didn’t get a whole one and attempt to roast it. Alas, only the big hotels seemed to serve turkey for Thanksgiving. Budget was tight last year, so I just bought 400 grams of turkey breast and a jar of cranberry jelly at Santi’s Delicatessen on Timog Avenue. I also went for a big order of mashed potato from KFC, and surfed the Net frantically for tips on how to cook turkey breast.

I ended up applying a salt-pepper-and-whatever-herb-on-the-pantry rub on the turkey breast steaks last year then pan-fried it in olive oil. Surprisingly, it was good.

This year, I went to TGI Friday’s expecting it to have a turkey dish I can just take home and serve at dinner. Did you know that they don’t have a single dish with turkey? I ended up ordering chicken fingers instead.

And so it was back to Santi’s for 400 grams of turkey breast and a bottle of cranberry jelly again. I applied a salt-pepper-basil rub on the turkey steak for 30 minutes, then pan-fried it in olive oil. Good thing my sister’s balikbayan boxes arrived yesterday, and so I was able to use the turkey gravy I found in one of the boxes. Perfect.

With or without turkey, I think the Philippines should have a holiday such as Thanksgiving too. There is so much to be thankful for, yet so much busyness around us that we need a reminder to stop and count our blessings. In my case alone, I have so much to thank God for: a peaceful life, a wonderful son, supportive parents, caring siblings, and nephews and nieces who make me smile and who love to discover new restaurants like I do. I thank God for letting me write and edit for a living, which is what I really want to do, after trying to obey my dad to pursue a career in finance (for the sake of the CPA title).

About that last bit, my college classmates, husband and wife Orlie and Mylene, pointed that out yesterday when I bumped into them at Friday’s. They knew I was writing, and commented that that was what I wanted to do even way back in high school (Mylene was a high school batchmate too). My other high school classmate Gezelee said the same thing when she was in town from the US a few months ago. She said, “Wow, Karen, congratulations! You did it!” She said she knew I wanted to write since back in high school and is happy I have pursued writing as a career.

Back to Orlie and Mylene. We had a good laugh after we realized we were all doing something far different from accounting, our course in college. Mylene is taking her MA in Library Science now, while Orlie just finished Nursing and is waiting to take the NCLEX. Lesson for the day: Let your kids choose their own college course, something they really want. I think it is such a blessing to be given the privilege to do what you want to do for the rest of your life.

Still there is much to be thankful for: the opportunity to work from home and be with my son more, the privilege of being with my parents at their old age (Mommy will be 78 next year and Daddy will be 80!), our hardworking helper Rose, our talkative mynah Garci (who can not only talk but beep like a car, bark like a dog, cackle like a rooster, and whistle like my sister’s driver), and our army of dogs who keep us company and scare the pusakals or pusang kalye: Joker, Jaya, Brownie, Pretty, and Pacquiao. I thank God for this home I grew up in, which, even after I lived elsewhere, is still home to me. And I thank God for the other home he’s preparing for me, the one in heaven.

Thanksgiving—have you stopped and counted your blessings?

VERSE OF THE WEEK: Give thanks to the LORD for he is good; his love endures forever. Psalm 118:1

BOOK OF THE WEEK: My high school batchmate Analyn “Anne” Arce just recently launched her romantic novel The Caped Charmer, published by Fox Literary House. What started out as an accident with coffee with a Superman-like hunk turned into a kilig love story. Not at all cheesy, but cute and engaging. Happy thoughts!